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There was once a man named Bibble. He had a job he loved over everything else. He was a cheese inspector. Then one day, the method to make cheese was lost. The creation of cheese was left entirely to machines, but when a computer virus attacked several factories, the method was lost. Many people tried to rediscover the method but not many people knew what all types of cheese tasted like. So Bibble made it his mission to taste everyone's cheese to confirm if it was the cheese it was supposed to be as he being a cheese inspector, he had tasted all the cheeses on the planet. Many people he encountered were honored by his arrival wether or not he approved of their cheese. Many years past and with Bibbles' help, almost all cheeses were rediscovered. Then tragedy struck, the blue cheese he tested was too moldy and poisoned him. He survived but the mold had damaged his tongue. He could no longer taste anything. He felt down trodden. He knew others could decide the remaining cheeses but he could no longer taste the thing he loved. The end.
I have been writing a script for a second season for FLCL. I only recently started on it again. I am posting part of my first episode so I can get some pointers on what I should improve on it. It is written to be animated so, any details that I should include please tell me.
Starts out with the epilogue of FLCL Season One. Includes the speech Naota gives about how everything is back to normal from the last episode of season one. It has been a year since Haruko has left. Instead of going to a close up of her guitar, it jumps to a guy in a black full body biker suit with a black helmet on watching Naota and his friends on the bridge from the road above the river. He has slung over his shoulder a sleeping bag with one hand. You can see the top of a guitar case inside the bag. When Naota's narration ends, he laughs softly and walks down the hill from the road to the riverbank. At this point you see he has a bat in his other hand. Scene goes to Naota at school. Naota seems uninterested in class. He shifts his eyes to the window when he hears a motorcycle drives by. He shifts his eyes back to the front of the class with a disappointed sigh when he sees it is just a regular motorcycle. After school, Naota and his friends are back at the bridge. While they are talking, Ninamori spots something under the bridge. She walks down the slope to the side of the river. Naota and the other two notice and they follow her down the slope. Naota asks, "Ninamori, where are you going?" Ninamori doesn't respond. Under the bridge is the biker in his sleeping bag. He is sleeping on his guitar case with the bat in his hands like a teddy bear. He still has his helmet on. Ninamori says, "Just great, the homeless are moving into town" Naota's friend, Masashi, tells her to be more considerate to the less fortunate. The biker stirs and interrupts. As he sits up he says, "I am not poor, it just that there is nowhere cheap enough for me to stay at." Ninamori says, "Sure" sarcastically. Naota notices his guitar. Scene zooms slowly on towards the case for a few seconds to then pans up to the biker's still helmeted face staring back at Naota as if Naota just noticed this. (The biker's stare is supposed to be an "I know exactly why" stare so it seems the biker might know about Haruko.) Naota looks down acting embarrassed, saying he forgot he had to go help his father at the shop. Naota runs off. Scene shifts to the biker. Zooms in to give the sense that even though the helmet is not pointed at Naota, that the biker is still watching him. The scene jumps to Amarao's headquarters. Amarao is reading a report and Kitsurubami tells him that an unknown has entered the city. He asks "what intel do we have on it." She replies, "We know he wears a full body biker suit that is black and that he carries a bat and a guitar case. We don't know his age, name, or nationality." The screens pull up several pictures of the biker in security camera quality (fuzzy). Amarao looks thoughtful, "keep an eye on him. We have other things to worry about." Scene shows the report he is reading. You see the top half of the paper. A picture of the Medical Mechanica plant covers the text on the page beside is a graph with a line going up.
The scene changes to Naota's house. Canti is cleaning a carpet outside as usual. Naota is at his desk working. He gets up to go downstairs. At the base of the stairs he tells his grandfather he is going out for a walk. He walks into the store and there is no one at the counter. As he approaches the store door, the biker walks in. Naota's father (Kamon) pops out of nowhere to get a sale and scares Naota. Naota's father offers the biker several products. The biker says, " I was told that there was a bed here that I could have for exchange for work here. Is that true?" Naota's father says, "Why yes we do. We have been looking for a cook." The biker replies, "I am a horrible cook. Spent too much time being a ball player to learn how to even make grilled cheese sandwiches." Grandpa (Shigekuni) dashes in interested "Did you say baseball?" he asks. The biker says yes and the discussion descends into baseball blabber. Naota gives the biker a disapproving look. Shigekuni asks who told him about their store and the biker tells him that it was a girl with a camera who was wondering along the river. Naota's look changes to surprised interest. He goes to the river and sees Mamimi. She spots him and says, "hey Ta-kun," Naota looks away embarrassed. Mamimi comes up on the bridge. Naota asks her why she is back. Mamimi replies, "Oh, I am just looking for pictures. Well, it was nice seeing you. Bye." Mamimi takes a picture of Naota and runs off. Naota starts to try and grab her arm as if to keep her from going but stops quarter of the way. Naota returns home to find the biker sitting in the dinning room with Shigekuni discussing baseball. Naota comes in and grandpa says, "Well, it's agreed. You can stay, as long as you can get our team to win." Naota rolls his eyes and sits down. The biker takes of his helmet and say it won't be a problem. You see that his eyes are the same as Haruko's and looks related to her. (He also has brown hair. His eyes need to be the most recognizable feature at this moment.) Naota notices this (and seems to be the only one to) but says nothing. Shigekuni tells Naota to take Haru (the biker) upstairs to his room so he can drop off his stuff. Naota seems surprised at the name. The biker introduces himself as Haru to Naota. Naota just heads upstairs. Haru follows him upstairs and into the Naota's room. When Haru enters the room and sees the guitar, he looks alarmed. Naota doesn't see this. Haru puts his guitar case against the end of the bed and asks if Naota is into music. Naota finally response and says no. Haru leans over to look over Haruko's guitar as if he is trying to avoid touching it. "How come you got this guitar then?" Naota replies, "How come you don't have a bike?" Haru responses he crashed it and has yet to get someone to tow it. They go downstairs to eat dinner and Haru is surprised at seeing Canti but seems to be faking it somewhat. He points at him and asks, "what is that?" in the usually alarmed surprised manner that most people would. Naota's father explains that Canti is a robot that came out of Naota's head. Haru shows a flash of understanding that he quickly covers with a fake look of disbelief. Haru shows distrust of Canti when he switches meals with Naota and waits for everyone to start eating first before eating himself. At bedtime, Haru stays up practicing his baseball swing.
Thank you for any help that you offer. I also am having trouble portraying some of the relationships in FLCL. Any help with that would also be appreciated.
I went on a trip to Montreal, Quebec. The churches there were very impressive. A lot of walking was involved. The place has enough restaurants to probably feed of Canada.